What Would You Pay for Snot-Free Coffee?
A man in a business suit strolls up to the counter at his local coffee house. His complete attention is on the crisply folded newspaper jutting from his left hand. Not bothering to look up, he curtly orders a triple grande no-whip mocha. The woman behind the register rings up the drink and gives him his total, to which he responds merely by flipping a gold-colored Mastercard onto the counter.
A moment later, the charge is approved and the cashier hands the man a print-out and a pen. Looking up from his paper for the first time since he entered the coffee shop, his face bent into an unexplained look of bitter derision, the businessman pulls a Mont Blanc from his inside jacket pocket and, swatting away the pen provided, scribbles an unintelligible line across the paper. He scratches a sizeable “X” in the box designated for entering a tip, then returns his pen to his jacket pocket and his attention back to the morning news.
The cashier takes the signed copy, leaving his card and receipt on the counter. The businessman scoops them up with his free hand and, still engrossed in his reading, casually walks off to another part of the store to await his beverage. In his distraction, he fails to note the small but significant alteration to the wording of his order as the cashier calls it back to the barista: “One triple grande no-tip mocha!”
It’s hard to say what unmannerly things happen to one’s drink once it is labeled thus, but I’m sure we can all agree that it would be supremely poetic for our boy to have been so preoccupied that he didn’t figure out what surprises had been added until he had consumed at least half the cup.
People in the food service industry don’t generally make staggering salaries, and tips are often a critical part of their income. What’s more, they are seldom afforded the respect and appreciation they deserve. This surprises me, considering how much people depend on them – especially affluent people who can afford to kick down and who are so doggedly self-important they couldn’t so much as whip up a couple slices of toast without consulting a cookbook.
Maybe the way to get through to folks like that – selfish people who can’t seem to understand their reliance on “the little guy” – is to appeal directly to their type-A nature. Perhaps they might better appreciate, for example, a specialized menu that lists special prices, with 10% to 20% markups, for items that are served sans bodily excretions.
Regular Venti Americano
-with the works: $2.35
-hold the phlegm: $2.50
-dry skin flakes only: $2.65
-just coffee: $2.80 + some semblance of a smile
But I personally abhor the idea of having to always make sure the moist, dark bits in my muffin are actually raisins so I, for one, will continue to give people in the service industry the same treatment I expect from those who want something from me: respect, courtesy, a smile and, if appropriate, a monetary tip. They’re such easy things to provide. Much easier than having one’s stomach pumped.
Comments
I'm sure they spit in them, too. I just never saw it.
But I shouldn't have to expect to tip for a coffee every time I get one. I don't think. I'm pretty sure the baristas make more than a waitperson's salary. Tipping should be optional. I think it is.
Now, is Mr. Monty McSuit a dickwad? Sounds like it. I can't stand when people go up to service counters/checkouts and totally ignore the real-life person behind them in favor of their cell phones, PDA's or newspapers. That is just rude and ignorant, and incredibly disrespectful. But I can't assume people like that have any respect for anyone they see as "The Help" anyway, and most likely have never had to hold a retail or service job themselves. That person is just an annoyance, something they must put up with in order to turn their bank funds into something hot and frothy. Would that a machine could just do it. That would remove that irritating polite chit-chat factor.
Me? I rely on it. It's part of my social life, as sad as it sounds.
Anyway, I'm saying that I think he's an ass, but not required to tip at the coffee place, in my opinion. For a barista it's a perk, one I've never been given at any job I've ever held, regardless of service or salary. Spit, if spit you must, but only for the fact that he's a jerk, not because of his failure to tip.
Redzilla makes sense.
Anyone who has ever worked serving food or in retail during christmas has a valued respect for the folks in the service industry. If they don't, they deserve the frothy snot.
Bravo Kirk!
As usual, Redzilla hits the nail on the head.
I don't think the tip was the issue here. I think it was the zero respect + no tip that created the alteration in his order. It's less obvious and less likely to get them in trouble to say "one triple grande no-tip mocha" rather than say "one triple grande mocha for the cheap asshole in the expensive suit".
I've worked in the service industry and I know how hard they work. Everyone, regardless of who they are and what they do, deserves basic respect. No one is better than anyone else.
I like the graduated menu :p
LOL @ "one triple grande mocha for the cheap asshole in the expensive suit"
Or maybe, "One triple grande asshat mocha."
One triple grande asshat mocha
*snort* LOL....I think THAT would be very do-able...not to mention very funny to hear. I might snort my drink up my nose if I heard that order called out.
I have worked in the food industry, many times, as a waitress, dishwashing, selling sandwiches in Copacabana Beach (which means walking all day under *that* burning sun) and many other examples.
I try to leave tips as much as I can, as (like you well said) I know well how much weight the tips have in these people's salary.
But like the bastard with the MontBlanc pen, you will find (especially here in England, as I have endure torture more than twice) the bastards on the other side of the counter, the ones who will blame the customers (tiping or not) for all the sadness and insatisfaction in their lives. Shame, they seem to be all under 25.....
oh well....
Hey Mrs. P, I think you bring up an excellent point that is a totally different subject...which is about the attitude of entitlement for tips that I see way too often. When I was younger and working in the food service industry, tips were hoped for but there was a realistic view that they were optional and "gravey". These days, it seems expected that there will always be a tip and I see tip cuts EVERYWHERE these days.
It used to be only food service (i.e. restaurants) but now I see tips being the norm for pretty much everything these days. With the rise of prices and not in my income, I can't afford to tip everywhere I go nor do I think its appropriate to guilt the customer with so many hands out. I think its crazy for everyone, in every shop, to want and expect tips especially when all most people did was their job which they are already being paid for!
And I agree that the younger generation seems to have the formula backward. They will treat you well only if you tip...otherwise you are treated like trash. In my youth, a tip was given when you gave them good service first.
Respect needs to happen on both sides of the equation.
I think tipping is bullshit, but only because it's not customary here in Australia. In the larger cities here it's becoming more fashionable, but it's certainly not standard, or expected.
Here, the price of coffee, and sandwiches, and your particularly average restaurant, all cost more, but who minds paying when you know your wait staff are getting a reasonable wage? (I think the minimum in the hospitality industry is around $8-$10 a hour, depending on your age. Not enough to live on in a part-time position, but enough to supplement your studies etc.)
I haven't come up with a ready set of rules for when tipping is or isn't optional. My personal take is that if someone carries my food to me and it isn't on a plastic tray and I don't have to unwrap it, that means a tip is in order. I don't frequent coffee shops. I don't even really drink coffee. I can't wrap my head around paying $4 for a cup of coffee. But I think if I could afford that and was willing to do so, I could also afford to toss a buck in the jar.
Considering the recent issue with Starbucks and tipping, I have less urge to drop money in a jar. I would rather be sure the person who did the extra work for me got the money. So that kind of chills my tipping, especially in corporate situations.
We don't go out because it's expensive to get a babysitter, go someplace, pay for dinner, leave a tip, maybe go to a movie. That's just not happening. Well, ok - it's not happening for a whole other set of reasons now but that's not the point. The point is that when we do manage a 'date,' all those pieces need to be in place.
It's a quandary. But you can always smile and thank them for giving you what you want. You don't have to be a shithead. Especially when food and beverages are involved...if only for selfish reasons!
I hope I didn't put too much emphasis on the tipping aspect in the post. My goal was to emphasize that respect, courtesy and a smile are even more important than a monetary gratuity. I don't always tip, either. But I do always try to be as nice as possible.
I am always courteous to those who serve, though I tip only if the service has been exceptional. At the small eatery where I have dinner every night, there are one or two waiters in particular who are extremely nice and always happy to me (and I in turn always eat in their area.) They do an excellent job and I tip them if I've had a slightly expensive meal.
But I remember there was this jackass waiter at another eatery who not only served our food late (and forgot to bring forks and spoons) when he returned with our change from the bill, he gave back 10 bucks less. I asked where the 10 bucks went and he said, "Oh, thats my tip." 10 whole bucks, for lousy service and a really small bill!
This sort of thing incenses me. Tips should always be voluntary. A mandatory tip added to my total is really no different than implementing the new-fangled menu example I devised above.
I do hope if you ever get him again, you request a different server.
I KNEW those weren't sprinkles!
Just because it's closer, I've started buying my coffee at the 7-Eleven near my house. It's cheaper, and there's no expectation that I tip myself for pouring myself a cup of coffee and fixing it the way I like. When I do go to Starbucks, I throw a dollar in the jar based on two criteria: A) if I have a dollar, and B) if the person is friendly. If it takes awhile for my beverage to be made, does the person stand there and mope, or does s/he engage me in conversation, smile, act human, etc. The coffee is mine--I'm paying $4 for it. The tip is a bonus for good service. At the 7-Eleven, I tend to be a bit surly with myself, so no tip. Plus I end up horking snot into my own cup. Restaurants, where tips are the lion's share of a waitresses compensation, are obviously different.
Comic brilliance, that. Just awesome.